As a result, I’ve spent most of my time not doing work for classes being so unproductive that my fertility doctor recommended I avoid smoking and hot tubs. Because those were the only things I was doing with my time (as well as hanging out with friends like David Zafra, who has his own blog here about film and philosophy, and Nick Mellot, who has his own blog here where he angrily rants about movies and politics), here I am once again.
Now, as some of you know, February is Black History Month. Because I wanted to honor the significant history of Black folk in our country and prove I was “down,“ I figured it was time to find my own way of celebrating Black History Month. You may be wondering, did I write about a significant Black figure or group from history? Did I write something to raise awareness about issues relevant to the Black community today, like underrepresentation in media or overrepresentation in being pulled over for no reason?
there really are a lot of good topics I could address
Of course not, I did even better! Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present: my sassy black sidekick! With him, I will talk about what I normally would, but with a zany black perspective to celebrate diversity. Sassy black sidekick, go ahead and introduce yourself!
“I have a name, its Michael. I am a person, not a commodity.”
Hey-oh!
“This post seems to feed into the old idea that a black person can either only be passive and nonthreatening or abrasive and ‘sassy,’ which is a dehumanizing and false dichotomy. As someone who is mixed race yourself, you should really know better.”
Haha, sassy black sidekick, you so crazy! But lets get back on topic, yo. Today’s post is about self-described “equal opportunity offenders.” These people are easy to recognize, because they will take every chance they get to talk about how they don’t play by society’s politically correct rules, but only when they are surrounded by a group of people who they know will agree with them, or at least not call them out. They’re always ready to tell you how hilarious and edgy they are for repeating the same jokes about stereotypes you’ve heard countless times before and call you out on being too “politically correct” if you don’t find their tired brand of humor hilarious.
their spokesperson
The thing about people who identify themselves as equal opportunity offenders is that they aren’t even funny. They’ll say the different between a bench and [whatever minority they don’t like] is that the latter can’t support a family, then look at you as if they just achieved some sort of comedic innovation that handles wit with the same level of intricate delicacy that Anderson Silva’s extra alien senses allow him to hurt human beings with. When they get the same look of disdain and disappointment that their parents always gave them growing up, instead of the howling laughter they expected, its because you’re “too sensitive,” as if when someone starts crying and making excuses when you don’t laugh at their jokes the other person is the one who is “too sensitive.”
Even beyond the casual racism/sexism/etc, these "jokes" are about as original and interesting as a romantic comedy where everything works out in the end because love conquers all. Repeating the same stereotypes that everyone has already heard and expecting laughter is like writing down the ingredients to cake and expecting a patent, fortune, and cake groupies for inventing cake. Its just another generic drop in the bucket of stupid.
Make no mistake, you can be controversial and witty. Look at people like Dave Chappelle, Daniel Tosh, Chris Rock, Seanbaby, or Rick Santorum; these people are hilarious and edgy. Key word "and", because these are two different things that only occasionally overlap. When these people talk about stereotypes, they will really deconstruct them and approach them from an original angle instead of just rehashing them. As a matter of fact, I- hold up… I’m getting word that Rick Santorum isn’t a Stephen Colbert type comedian who says outrageous things purely for shock value, but rather a Republican presidential candidate who allegedly means everything he says. This... may affect the shrine to Rick Santorum I have in my room which has some of his most “hilarious” quotes, but if definitely doesn’t affect my point.
take note, this is how you can be both
The biggest problem is that these dipshits think that by being offensive they are also automatically being witty. Its like thinking by being a failure you’re automatically M Night Shyamalan or by being sexist you’re automatically Richard Dawkins. Correlation doesn’t equal causation, though I guess considering the closet discrimination these equal opportunity offenders perpetuate, they still don’t even understand imaginary correlation (stereotypes) doesn’t equal causation.
If correlation always equaled causation, then global warming could be blamed on the decline of impressive mustaches of world leaders and all clowns would be serial killers. As we can see- okay, now that I think about it, those two are probably true so they are bad examples, but please believe me anyway. We need to understand that being funny and being offensive are two distinctly different things that can intersect, but in no way does one guarantee the other. Heres a hilarious video where Jim Gaffigan talks about being lazy, a video more unfamiliar with controversy than Muhammad Ali is with failure.
His jokes about remote controls sure are daring!
For the sake of everything decent everywhere, we can’t let these dipshits get away with thinking the reason people don’t like them is how daring they are. In a way, its really the opposite. So next time they start crying about how you are too sensitive to appreciate their humor, tell them they’re the ones who are too sensitive, and that such insecurity only turns you on.
Any last words, Sassy Black Sidekick?
“Again, my name is Michael, I'm a human being. Anyway, you bring up some good points, though calling these people dipshits so often isn’t really going to lead to anything constructive. Also, I think you really need to further address how perpetuating stereotypes isn’t helping anyone overcome them the way so many of these equal opportunity offenders seem to think, and in a lot of ways can be harmful. Whether jokingly or seriously, whenever we bring up these stereotypes we keep them in the cultural conscious. In fact-“
Haha, woo, you’re so wacky! Any catchphrase you wanna throw at us before we sign off?
"I was trying to finish my-"
I don't understand ebonics, but sure thing Sassy Black Sidekick!
“So you're pretending to give a black person a voice, then talking over him before he can finish. You’re an idiot and I quit.”
Oh you, you’re such a kidder! Until next week, adventurers!
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